This goodbye is different

Posted 3 hours ago

I said goodbye to him a couple of hours ago.

I have said goodbye to him a lot over the past four years. I said goodbye each year after I helped him move into his dorm at Murray State. I said goodbye the numerous times that I visited him in Murray. I said goodbye after he came home to visit from school. And I said a difficult goodbye to him in the Atlanta airport 2 years ago when he went to study abroad in Spain and I knew I wouldn’t see him for four months. And he was an ocean away.

Today’s goodbye was different. Today starts a new chapter in his life. He will no longer live in our home. In the future, he will just be visiting. So this time is different. He has left the nest. I knew this would happen someday. But it doesn’t mean I am happy about it.

I am going to miss him being around. Even just those brief encounters. I will miss those. I will miss his presence. I will miss those unintentional moments. From now on, there will have to be intentional to see him face-to-face–either from me or from him.

I have been dreading this moment all summer. The last two months have been a gift because we thought he would move much sooner. So I am grateful for the gift of the last three months that he has been at home.

I am glad that I could share in one last adventure with him by helping him move. We spent Friday driving from Chattanooga to his new home in Indiana. An eight hour trip somehow became a twelve hour trip so we were exhausted when we got to our hotel last night. But got invigorated by going and checking out the apartment he is moving into. And then a late dinner and the chance to hang out.

Yes, I know, this is not the last time I will see him. Actually, I will probably see him in a month. But it is the uncertainty of when I will see him again. I don’t like that he is living so far away. And yet, he is following in my footsteps as I left home after college and only lived 2 1/2 hours away at the closest and 6 time zones away at the farthest.

I would rather my kids live closer. But that is not how it has worked out. In just a few weeks, I will move our youngest into college in eastern Tennessee and we will have an empty nest. I think that reality makes my son’s departure that much harder.

When our oldest left home, we still had two kids left at home. And now we are losing two at once. I dread the silence that will leave in our home.

I held on a bit longer when I hugged him goodbye. I didn’t want to let go. I think I even told him that. One of the things I miss the most when my kids are away is being able to give them a hug. I have been hugging him more over the past few weeks. Not like you can store those things up. But it was part of the process of me saying goodbye and letting go.